An Anorexia Story
77I've had a serious Eating Disorder for over 25 years. Silence and shame are the
game..
Four years ago, at 5' 8", I finally reached my goal of being under one hundred pounds. I thought I was beautiful. People stared at me on the street, enviously I assumed,
for the grace and finess of my wasting body, the carved angles of my face and
arms, the pale skin that defied the inner demon it reflected. When I looked in the mirror, it wasn't myself I saw, but a well deserved image from the pages of any fashion magazine.
It had been hard work getting to this point. Going from simple
vegetarianism to hard core Veganism was a necessity. The ability to
starve at will and purge without smearing my lipstick was an art I mastered.
Working out at the gym 3-4 hours a day, 5-6 days a week would keep me toned. I kept
track of the km's I ran in E.R (my job),and a notebook of daily food
intake warned me when I was reaching the dreaded 600 calorie limit
allowed.
I remember so well one morning waking up, having a wonderful
stretch, and breaking my rib doing it. It was the beginning of the end. Suddenly, I 'had' to starve because purging was painfully impossible due to the fracture. Going to the gym was out of the question. I was not in
control of my body anymore. It had collapsed on itself. The broken rib was a
mere catalyst to the dozens of warnings my body was giving on it's way to fully
shutting down from
malnutrition and its long time accompaniment of hair loss, bruising, bleeding uncontrollably from minor cuts and scrapes, damaged heart muscle, heart palpitations, depression. The list is endless.
I was finally forced to enter a hospitalized treatment program where the dual challenge of treating the medical and psychological aspects of the disease were addressed. It was a decision that saved my life, and I encourage any person with any symptoms of an Eating Disorder to reach out for this help. Some of these symptoms may include:
- Dramatic weight loss
- Weight obsession.
- Obsession with calories and fat content of foods.
- Obsession with exercise.
- Frequent trips to the bathroom immediately following meals
- Food restriction and self-starvation.
- Binging and/or purging.
- Use of diet pills, laxatives, or enemas.
- Isolation.
- Keeping a "food diary" or lists of purging, and/or calories consumed,
- Preoccupation with food, weight and cooking.
- Hair loss. Pale appearance to the skin.
- Dizziness, headaches.
- Soar throats and/or swollen glands.
- Low self-esteem.
- Complaints of feeling cold.
- Low blood pressure.
- Loss of menstrual cycle.
- Bruised or callused knuckles and bloodshot eyes due to purging
- Mood swings.
- Poor sleeping habits
It's been three years since the dark days of skeletal beauty. I've healed for the most part emotionally, but the repercussions resulting from physical/internal damage are a whole other ball game. Eating Disorders are a silent suicide, something I didn't know at the time but realize now. Today and tomorrow, I just want to embrace life...and by the way, I think I look okay.
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Indeed, this was very courageous of you but I can also feel that it is important for you to tell it as it is equally a story that needs to be told and heard. It is one of my biggest pet peeves that society puts such an emphasis on equating thin to being beautiful. Feeling happy with who you has its own radiance.
Congratulations on your emotional healing! Writing is a wonderful catharsis and you write beautifully. I look forward to reading more!
Wow, great first hub. And so open and vulnerable about the inner deepest parts of your life and struggles. Can't wait to see what you write in the future. Call on me if I can assist you in anyway, I'm nobody here, but I have many facets that I can offer with good advice and artistic experience. Plus I'm just too damn much fun...
Blake4d
So moved by your story and wish you continued success with physical and emotional recovery!
Congrats on coming to terms with this disorder, lisa brazeau. I wish you continued recovery from this illness. Your candid way of describing how your mind worked while you were sick is very helpful for others who might be involved in starving or purging activities. I hope many people will read this hub and understand a little more about eating disorders. *thumbsup*
Thank you for telling your story. Good luck for the future.
I wrote the poem below after spending an hour as a comedian entertaining some young ladies at an Anorexia ward, my jokes were screened before I went in to make sure nothing was offensive to their fragile psyches and they seemed to enjoy the distraction of laughter while I was there. But the impact of their condition brought me only these words...
9:00 a.m. Visit To An Anorexia ward.
©-MFB III-Artwhimsically Yours Studio
Here sit
unbalanced girls
so thin
they make
angel hair pasta
look pregnant.
Hollow eyes
that see calories
even in the dust
that floats around them.
Fed intravenously
lips pressed
tightly together,
a clamp against
the spoon!
the fork!
The horror!!
Pain pounds them
pounds pain them.
They wither
like early crocuses
beneath the weight
of forced March snows.
Bones jutting against
palest flesh
long before
they're buried,
as they wait
hopelessly
for the fat lady
to just stop
singing her song.
Haunting, so real that you managed to catch my reality at that time. Beautiful.
Thank you.
Oh I can relate to your story heaps. If you get a chance come check out my poem to anorexia girls, I am sure you can relate. I am so glad you have recovered and are strong :)
You can be sure I'll be around to check it out...thanks so much!
Lisa, thanks for sharing your story, it takes a strong person to do so.
Wishing you continued success in your healing both physically and mentally. You're a star.
Thanks Gemska! Writing is a wonderful way to 'heal', isn't it.
Great hub!! It takes courage to tell such deep truths about ones self. I send blessings your way and keep writing!
Wow. You have guts. I admire your courage to no end. Count me as one of your ever-increasing fan base.
Summer and Stan....thanks for your support and wonderful words of encouragement. This type of disease is never cured, but I have it on permanent management!
Lisa you're right. Writing is a great way to heal and in doing so also getting your story across and most likely helping other people too.
Lisa, This touched me. The realities of Anorexia are always best brought home by someone who has been there. With your permission, I would like to link to this article from one of mine. Congratulations on your success, Linda
I'm humbled by the request...of course you can use it.
Thank you so much.
i can so relate to the passion in your words.it is good to know that someone other than i have chosen to open the doors of taboo and shared something that could quite possibly save some-one's life.you are a survivor, congrats.....be well
What a beautiful, thoughtful comment. Thank you so much!
It's great to have you here!
Thank you so so much for your story. I am in recovery for my ED and you truly inspired me. You are a beautiful person :) Continue to share your story and spread awareness.
Meet Lisa Brazeau aka Mistress Babylon Devil Worship So if you think she's cured look again!
She's into Satan worship.
So Dec. 2009 You met Thomas LeRoy while you were with me? if that is so You are not only a cheat but a Liar ...
You said there is no Hell so therefore there is no Devil Lisa You and your Man are a Joke with your Masks and He has a Grebe Face, I don't need an upside down Bible to do what I do. You are a Joke I feel sorry for you.
... There could be more than one penalty. Number one, an alien who is unlawfully present (overstay) for one year or more is inadmissible for 10 years from the date of his departure from the U.S. In other words, when someone has one year or more of unlawful presence, the bar is ten years.
You said there is no Hell so therefore there is no Devil Lisa You and your Man are a Joke with your Masks and He has a Grebe Face, I don't need an upside down Bible to do what I do. You are a Joke I feel sorry for you.
... There could be more than one penalty. Number one, an alien who is unlawfully present (overstay) for one year or more is inadmissible for 10 years from the date of his departure from the U.S. In other words, when someone has one year or more of unlawful presence, the bar is ten years.
It's not to worry people Lisa Brazeau is good and fat now a Lil Butterball.... Here have a look!
You said you are 5 9 says here 5 8 another Lie lol
La La La Lisa lol xo0xo0x
When I gave to the Ring My Mother Wanda The Witch gave me on my 16th Birthday did you think by keeping it all would be calm, I was with you on Valentines Day 2010 I bought you a TV for your New Apartment I painted your apartment and put in light switches and Ceiling fans listened to your life story of abuse by your parents and your former Husbands and Boyfriends, You knew exactly how I was living then wrote a blog that you did not know, You said come on give us a chance you said you loved me and look what you did and to this day showing up everywhere I go, well if I mean so much where are you? Oh Playing Devil Worship with Rubber Masks friending my X Girlfriend here's what she had to say bout you Lisa.."she is into satanism which is against the bible or revokes christianity, I looked at the page and her pictures....she looks like a f--king weirdo! just ignore her!" . ... You made me love you so I fell and when I did you left but you are still round sending me e-mails and showing up on my Facebook why??? If you want me that bad you should talk to me instead of hiding. If not go play with your Rubber Devil Masks what a JOKE!!! and I flew straight to you in Winnipeg from Toronto
Thanks Lisa Brazeau! Hankster Cat says ...Writing is a wonderful way to 'heal', isn't it. I don't fear the Devil the Devil has to fear me. Once I love it is forever not a false pretend love. Oh Have a nice day and welcome to your 50's it's not so bad just years that's all.
It is written in the stars everything you did today happened light years before you were even born. May 5th 1962.
Hope you kept up on Dental Care for your teeth at least I cared enough to send you to the dentist cause when I met you your teeth were black as coal.
You didn't want a Man you wanted a Boy you could push around well you have Thomas LeRoy now a Real loser Man-B -tch. lol
Let is be known to Google Wikken Witches Artists Authors World News The Rolling Stones Burton Cummings Wine Lovers Gold Diggers Winnipeg Canada Facebook U.S.A. Magic MSN Twitter Nurses Hospitals Hookers Dentists ST. BONIFEST Hospital UniqueAnorexic's Europe Gimli Romani Viking Gypsy's Tom Mothers Grandmothers That Lisa Brazeau Baronovitch Born May 5th 1962 into her 50's with a Hair Trigger temper Daughter of a Father in the Canadian Air-force and Nice Lesbian sometime not Mother who refused to speak to Lisa for some time later living in Winnipeg and divorced when Lisa was 15 Lisa is a self proclaimed anorexic for 20 years one sister Jackie a Winnipeg street walker drug abuser Lisa a High Priestess Wikken is a mother and grand mother of a Son and Daughter from different husbands and many different boyfriends claims to be Married once again and living in Napa Valley California Running a Winery and married to Tom The Fool because Lisa Says Tom owns a winery and likes her accent here's his site http://www.paganspace.net/events/pagan-fest-of-the , I dated Lisa Brazeau from October 2009 until May 2010 extreamly sexual relationship has been slandering my good name and writing to my Girlfriends making a fool of herself. Let it be known I forgive her.
You had me no Family no Kids Just Me I was Happy I thought we looked real good together you have your problems and I had some and still I was right there for you and we would still be together forever if you gave me the same chance you asked me to give you Lisa! Trust Virgo and Taurus are Perfect together not that Tom believes in Horoscopes so I guess you don't ether now just Rubber Masks and Pagans well I know Pagans and You know that Tom isn't only sleeping with you don't you?
How would YOU like it if I made contact with your x's and trashed on YOU Like YOU did to me Lisa Brazeau? What would you call that? Stalking maybe? What goes round comes round YOU know the saying I am sure YOU'RE Not Stupid! oh and Telling me You're married lol YOU need a divorce first Baronovitch YOU are the one who was already married when I met YOU!
My Lasted e-mail from Lisa Brazeau Yesterday!
I met my man in Dec/09. YOU may not know that, but he knows all about you.
another Lie YOU were with me in DEC. 09 so if this is true then YOU are a Liar and a Cheat!
http://www.paganspace.net/events/pagan-fest-of-the
I know all about Tom too big Thomas LeRoy Grebey Face deal!
I know SAD isn't it Lisa?
I would have felt worse if you at least got a Good Looking man but you went for Grebe face which makes me happy haha.
Hey Thomas so what you going to cry in Your Rubber Mask lol ... Leatherface Tom lol JOKE!!!
Dramatic weight loss
Weight obsession.
Obsession with calories and fat content of foods.
Obsession with exercise and Yourself
Quiet Cupboard opener to sneak food when no one is watching
Happiness you pay for is to be found everywhere.
Sometimes you get the bear and sometimes the bear gets you.
You cannot stop a whore, not even with a hundred horses.
Gypsy Sayings
That Spineless Thom sending children do do his dirty work lol This is your man nothing more than a Helpless Mouse a Chicken lol LMFAO You got a real scared lil Rabbit lol Boo
No Disorder when you were digging you nails into my mattress Lisa hey? and where were your fingers? taste me on them.
So you stayed in my house for about a year
Ate my food and you drank my beer
You took my money and kept asking for more
You disappeared and didn't close the door, baby
Wuzzup? wuzzup?
Wuzzup? wuzzup?
It's your punkass boyfriend
Then you came around and I bought you a brand new car
I said I loved you, didn't get me very far
Then another round of give that, give me this
Then boom, you were gone
I got the total dis'
Wuzzup? Wuzzup?
So wrong
Wuzzup? Wuzzup?
So wrong
It's your punkass boyfriend
It's your punkass boyfriend
One, two
It's your punkass boyfriend
Clouding up the issue
It's your punkass boyfriend
I just want to kiss you
It's your punkass boyfriend
Clouding up the issue
Listen punk before I turn on you
I just want to kiss you
It's your punkass boyfriend
It's your punkass boyfriend
ZZ TOP
You know Lisa complained bought how her Army Boyfriend made love to her and got up and drove her home when after he came and how his relatives always phoned him when she was with him well guess what when Lisa was with me her Mother kept calling my house just like that.
Lisa Dated Burton Cummings but she said he couldn't get it up and Married a Jewish Russian for money so he could stay in Canada by the name Baronovitch now she is in the states and tried to tell me she is married lol to Thom Thumb LeRoy which was just another lie. when you look up Liar in the dictionary you see Lisa Brazeaus Face. Mistress Babylon more like Eve Of Destruction and she was a Nurses assistant not a real Nurse more lies.
You know Thomas Punk Ass LeRoy has sex with others and I know you don't like that Lisa see where you went ?? Straight to the Hell you said didn't exist lol He's sweating on her now Not You sucker.
awww You Miss Your Granddaughter El and your Momma and did you ever find your son from your first marrage oh Lisa's man Scott left her for a younger nurse and he didn't make it home for Christmas Shame really too bad there's the breaks Mommas buying salt peter for the feast soon and you look too Spanish with that long hair and you look better in Hoop earrings you know oh well snooze you lose. Your Visa;s up in the States soon you will be deported back to Canada and not allowed in the states for 10 years.. Shame so sad... I tole Imagration yesterday they are looking into it, I gave them all your info see you soon Baby xo0o0xo Maybe I'll forgive you this time I don't know.
You don't kill a gypsy by cutting him in ten pieces -- you only make ten more gypsies. I am Everywhere. :P
Tell them how your Mother found Genital warts on your private parts when you were only 5 years old Lisa she suspected your father but he denned it funny I rememberer when I was 5 I am sure you do too I suspect that you and your Junkie sister Jackie were in competition for your fathers love am I right??? Did your father abuse you both?? Turn up the flame a bit and see.
Haunting, so real that you managed to catch my reality at that time. Beautiful.
Smiles @ Lisa Brazeau who tried to bury me on the net.
"Whatever ignorance men may show, From none disdainful turn; For every one doth something know Which you have yet to learn." Gypsy Saying
'Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain't going away.' Elvis Presley
Bugs Bunny: Eh, he don't know me very well, do he?
I know you are upset your father Had a second Family in Ottawa with other children he cared more for than You and Jackie Poor You so Sad You lost out To Them.
A witch-man and an evil is three-halfpence worse than the devil. Gypsy Proverb
I know why you got sick.
Daddy
Daddy wasn't there
Daddy
Daddy wasn't there
To take me to the fair
It seems he doesn't care
Daddy wasn't there
Daddy
Daddy wasn't there
To change my underwear
It seems he doesn't care
Daddy wasn't there
When I was first baptised
When I was critisized
When I was ostrisized
When I was jusized
To takin' kidneypies
When I was morganized
When I was circumsized
Daddy wasn't there
When I was first baptised
When I was critisized
When I was ostrisized
When I was jusized
To takin' kidny pies
When I was morganized
When I was circumsized
Daddy wasn't there
To take me to the fair
To change my underwear
Daddy wasn't there
Daddy wasn't there, please!
If you got a daddy issue
Here's a daddy tissue
D to the A to the D-D-Y
D to the A to the D-D-Y
Say it's just a fact
But I got a deadly dad
D to the A to the D-D-Y
D to the A to the D-D-Y
I sited in my room and cried
And I was to myself the reason why
D to the A to the D-D-Y
D to the A to the D-D-Y
Daddy
Daddy
Daddy
D-A-D-D-Y
BUT I WAS THERE!
Oh How The Winds Do Howl
Grapes & Raisins
Napa Valley Register
Lisa didn't Like when they'd call her Lisa Brazier
Our Father, Who aren't in heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name.
The gypsy church was made of pork and the dogs ate it.
Buccacino's Cucina Italiana
www.buccacinos.com/Buccacino's is a relaxed Italian Restaurant located in trendy Osborne Village of Winnipeg, MB ...
Fried Octopus Remember Lisa...
Carlos and Murphy's - Location
www.carlosandmurphys.com/location.html
129 Osborne Street · Winnipeg, MB Located in the of Osborne Village. Copyright © 2011 Carlos & Murphy's. All rights reserved. Site designed and maintained by ...
15 Cornish apt 409
Penny for your thoughts Sexy You know you want to escape to me don't you Lisa rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Just hop a plane and I'll see you soon that's if you can escape Leatherface,, If he beats you I'll fly there and fix that!!! xo0xo0xo0xo0
Thom LeRoy is a lil Man Bi-ch lol
Bigger than the Both of us is this Love Lisa Brazeau xo0xxo0x
Tomas LeRoy is in Bed with her right now Lisa he's sucking on her right now don't be a fool come home baby xoxo0xo0
You can smell her on his crotch Lisa ... West Jet here see you soon xo0xo0xo0xo
You can smell her on his crotch Lisa ... West Jet here see you soon xo0xo0xo0xo
Guide to US Deportation
This page has been produced from a post due to it’s popularity. The link to the original post is http://www.asifism.com/?p=39. TO POST QUESTIONS OR DISCUSS ISSUES AROUND US IMMIGRATION / DEPORTATION, please visit and comment on http://www.asifism.com/?p=39.
You can still add more discussion and comments as needed. You can also contact me if you have any questions regarding this process.
KEYWORDS for this page: ICE, Deportation, Process, Deporting, Deportee, Immigration and Customs Enforcement, Deportees from America, US Deportation, Immigration, US, USA, United States, getting deported from the US, US Deportation process.
Here goes:
Have a relative or friend who is getting deported from the US? Plan on being in the same position anytime soon? Well, here it is, for the first time, a fully documented and procedural guide to US detention and deportation. Please note that you will NOT find this information anywhere else. Half the practiced procedure during this process is NOT published anywhere under the US Code of Federal Regulations (CFR) or Immigration & Nationality Act (INA). That’s primarily because no one has taken interest in this procedure, and although there are manuals published by the House and Congress on the process of deportation and escorting illegal aliens out of the US, they are NOT followed by the monkeys at the Department of Homeland Security (DHS). The reason for that is that immigration law and procedure largely deals with people who are not US citizens, so the US government, house, or congress doesn’t give a flying fuck about them. Some of this is in violation of human rights, but who gives a fuck? If you’re not white and don’t hold a blue passport, you don’t deserve to be treated with dignity, do you? After all, America was formed after the murder of brown people wasn’t it? Anyway, think I’m getting off the topic here. Here’s how it works:
How it Begins
The person who homeland security wants to deport is picked up. Please keep in mind that the pick-up is made not by the USCIS or Immigration Services, but by Customs and Border Patrol, or, most likely, by Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE). The ICE is equivalent to the right testicle of the US Department of Homeland Security for enforcement of Immigration and related unlawful DHS policy and practice. They basically do the “dirty work” for the immigration fogies. So, if someone you know simply disappears off of the streets of America, or they go to see someone at the local immigration service center, or go for an Infopass appointment (http://infopass.uscis.gov/) and never turn up, guess what, they’ve been arrested. Please note that ICE is present at all Immigration Service Centers for this very reason: the arrest of those people they consider illegal. Whether they are OR not is neither their business nor that of the USCIS. A US court has to decide that, and good luck getting there. Not many people that chance; so America’s advertising about a free country is basically full of shit in this department.
So, how do you find out if someone has been picked up? Visit the local immigration office, and ask them where they hold immigration detainees. You’ll get a couple of printed pages from http://www.mapquest.com directions on them, which will be addresses of the “facilities” or jails that people are taken to when detained. Call them, ask for your party’s name, and you’ll know if they are there or not. Now, you can’t speak to the person who has been arrested. THEY need to call you; then you call back and set up a collect call system that costs you both your arms and a leg, and then the arrested person call you from inside the jail.
So now they’re in, and you’re contacting attorneys, and your friend is trying to extract information from the people who arrested him; what the hell is going on? Read on…
After the Arrest
Now is when the false assurances start. First of, ICE Officers will hardly ever talk to you or an Immigration Attorney. They think you’re the scum of the earth because you’re not white enough for them, and your attorney is equally pathetic because he/she is defending you. So, they will not give you any information. They may, however, give the arrested some false information about when he’ll be deported, but they will never actually tell you when, where, or how, because it’s supposed to be a ‘security risk.’ Yes, the small penis’ of the ICE Officers are at stake; they need to make the most of their petty 2 cents worth lives and they make everything sound like it’s top secret information that could change the course of the earth.
Typically, the ICE can hold a deportee for about 3 months before they’ll need special permission from other authorities to further hold the person, and because that special permission requires paperwork (which the dickheads are too fucking incompetent to do) and may establish that the ICE has ILLEGALLY or UNLAWFULLY arrested someone (this is very common), they will typically deport your arrested friend or relative within those 90 days.
If he/she has a committed a crime, the 90 day period will begin after they have done jail time for their crime. They will then be moved to a federal deportee detention facility. You can find a list of detention facilities and related information here:
http://www.ice.gov/pi/dro/facilities.htm.
If you believe an ICE Officer has arrested you by mistake, there’s really nothing you can about it. If you had a stay issued by a Court, you can file for a contempt of court. Also, you can file a Habeas Corpus with the court to request that the ICE officer be questioned and you be released. However, it seems like the system is rigged; ICE apparently feeds enough money to US Department of Justice (USDOJ) to where they don’t entertain such applications or cannot take action on them within 90 days, and that basically renders them useless. What you can do, however, is file a civil suit and get the media involved. That’s the only thing that scares the US government, and typically, this is more than an ICE Officer can handle, and somewhere somebody will always pay for fucking up. However, this is not something everyone can do as it may require some serious cash and persistence, and a lot of courage. After all, a lot of people unnecessarily tremble in the name of US Homeland Security.
The Deportation Process
This, in itself, is a big mess. There’s no set procedure or way. Typically, here’s the rule: If there’s a direct flight to your country of passport from anywhere in the US, you will be flown on either a US government plane or escorted on a commercial flight to the major international airport that such a flight will fly out of. From this airport, you will be put on a commercial flight ‘home.’ They will hand the passport over to the pilot or airline staff, and they will hand it over to you when you land or are on the plane, unless you’re from a really crooked country where these people are looking to make a quick buck off of you.
Now, according to the guide for escorting, information on which can be found on the USDOJ site at http://www.usdoj.gov/oig/reports/INS/e0105/index.h if no one if the deportee in question has not committed a crime, he/she does not need an escort. But somehow it turns out that homeland security has a very hard time complying with this manual or guide, and so, the rule is typically ignored.
Now, I’m not sure if this is how it’s done in other countries too, but I know this is how it works for the Middle East and Pakistan. Most likely, the deportee will be moved to the federal detention facility in Buffalo, NY, from where the ICE charters a plane belonging to any airline, and flies in a 24 hour plus flight to three or four countries, dropping the deportees off. The idea is to hand them over to local authorities, but most local authorities could give a fuck less about what the ICE wants them to do. In fact, there have been reports of ICE and Homeland Security Officers getting into trouble upon arrival in the Pakistan without having an invitation; something to be proud of.
The Return to the Passport Country
Once your deportee lands in Pakistan, he’ll be un
tim-tim 2 years ago
Thank you for your courage to tell the story! I hope this will help others with the similar situations. Great hub to bring awareness to the public!